I am happy announce my new E-zine “Love is a Small Word,” which will include essays previously appearing on this blog. This dynamic publication features a wide-variety of ideas for your ceremony and wedding. Whether you are a destination bride coming from Europe for an elopement in the Big Apple or a New York native planning the wedding of your dreams, this site will offer ideas for you ceremony, including readings and vow samples, ritual options, music, flowers, venues, fashions….and more. I have sought to include timely, fun, and creative ideas that will spark your imagination. Let me know what you think and what you’d like to read! And for the adventurous bride (or groom) why not consider being a guest contributor to Love is a Small Word, to share ideas and tips from your own planning process? Let’s Celebrate!

Years ago, I thought there was “one way” to officiate a ceremony. A couple would host a wedding—however that might look—and the individual conducting the ceremony signed the license. Alas, especially in a place like New York, that is not the case. There are numerous permutations that are appropriate for couples having different needs.

Legal Ceremonies in NYC with Destination Weddings Elsewhere. I have worked with numerous couples who are planning lavish weddings in other countries. In some cases, either the bride or groom may be a non-US citizen and wants to have the wedding “at home.” In other instances, couples simply select a lavish location that will be appealing to family and friends. The prospect of securing a marriage license in another country is daunting. So to simplify the process, a legal ceremony is held here in New York, with the grand celebration to follow. And, in many , if not most cases, the guests are unaware of this set-up. Just last weekend, I conducted a Central Park wedding for an American groom and his Central American bride. They will have a traditional Catholic ceremony in Mexico City later in the summer. It turned out that about 20 of their closest friends and family members attended the private wedding, and it was a very special day, in its own right.

Marriages in advance of the big wedding. In modern America, there are clear advantages offered to married partners, such as access to health insurance. So, sometimes couples will have a legal ceremony well in advance of the Big Day. I am happy to oblige. I have worked with a number of couples who face strict immigration requirements for non-US citizens. They have been privately married (no one knows!) for some time, yet I conduct a ceremony that is as “real” as any wedding that I officiate.

Elopement followed by a wedding on an anniversary. Some couples regret not having a wedding that includes family and friends. One option to address the initial decision is to have a larger vow renewal on a subsequent anniversary that will include loved ones. Although there is no legal implications associated with the second ceremony, vow renewal parties can be every bit as special as a wedding. About a week ago, I was contacted by a bride who was approaching the first anniversary of her elopement. As a new homeowner and with a blended family, she felt that this was the time to have a public function to celebrate all of these events.

Ceremonies written and delivered by different individuals. Anyone scanning the weekly “style” section will notice situations where a friend or family member is “ordained” online to officiate the wedding. While each state has its own requirements regarding the legalities and registration of such individuals, a consulting celebrant may function as a ghostwriter for the script. After all, it is a tall order for a newcomer to write a ceremony from scratch. A couple of years ago, I worked with a couple who wanted the bride’s brother to deliver the ceremony, and he was overwhelmed by the idea of writing the script. I wrote the ceremony and “officially” married the couple in a private Central Park Ceremony. More recently a bride contacted me about a similar arrangement. Her uncle, a minister in another state, did not wish to pursue the process of registering as a NY wedding officiant. So, I will attend the fancy wedding ceremony, entirely written and conducted by the uncle, and will sign the license privately, with witnesses after the public event. A couple choosing this option should be careful to check out the particulars of the ordination process of the local and state governments. In New York, one may visit the City Clerk’s website or call 212-669-2208.)

At the end of the day, one size does not fit all when it comes to hosting the wedding of your dreams and securing the marriage license. Don’t be afraid to think outside the box and speak with an officiant to make your wishes know.

Last weekend, I officiated a private wedding for Fabio and AnnMarie, a terrific North/South American Couple. Although the wedding ceremony was simple and planned on short notice, I was impressed by how a number of small, but meaningful, embellishments really made the ceremony extra special for the innovative couple.

The bride and groom were accompanied by five loved ones, who carefully arranged a circle of roses in which the bride and groom stood to take their vows. This is a popular trend with beach weddings, but with a dozen or two inexpensive bouquets from any local bodega, the custom can be deployed to a landlocked wedding. In addition to exchanging the vows within the circle of flowers, the couple also did a “first dance,” in the area following the ceremony. Their selection? “What a Difference a Day Makes.” These days, with an IPod and portable speaker, any elopment can boast music for the “processional,” “recessional,” and “reception!”

AnnMarie and Fabio looked for some nifty ways to include their guests in the ceremony. The bride proposed a communal ring blessing. Before the rings were exchanged, the bands were passed slowly around to each guest, who warmed the rings with their hands and hearts, offering silent good wishes for the couple’s future. I was also very impressed that one of the guests penned and read a poem especially for the day.

I, too, came with a few tricks up my sleeve. In honor of the groom’s South American heritage, I modified a familiar coin sharing ritual often used in traditional Catholic ceremonies, of Latin background. The traditional ceremonial element goes something like this: The groom brings 13 coins which are blessed by the priest. The groom then offers the coins with his bride as a symbol of his willingness to support his new bride. The bride then returns the coins to her beloved, as a sign of her desire to share what she has with the groom. I reconfigured the ritual bit using 13 international coins, collected from my own travels, including a number from Central America. I suggested the bride and groom add “my” coins to their box of wedding mementoes, as a reminder of our shared experience. We finished off with a special wedding cake, from my new favorite bakery Two Little Red Hens and a champagne toast. We capped it off with a video message of thanks from the bride and groom to their loved ones in the Northern and Southern hemispheres, as well as a toast offerend by the best man (who is newly engaged, I learned!).

I have long believed that necessity is the mother of invention and that brides and grooms faced with budget and time constraints will always rise to meet the occasion–in style. This was certainly the case with AnnMarie and Fabio! Bravo!

The wedding vows are the high point of the ceremony.  Some couples choose to write there own vows, which can be very powerful–delivered directly to each other, in the words of the bride and groom, without any participaton by the officiant.  However, there are many beautiful vows from which a couple can select, of both secular and religious varieties.  The booklet below, includes but a few samples to get your creative juices flowing.

Wedding Vows by Compiled by Sarah Ritchie | Make Your Own Book

Most of my clients have been to a good number of weddings, both religious and secular, by the time that they marry.  However, they generally can’t remember much about the ceremony.  Sometimes a bride and groom can point to ceremony components they found off-but there isn’t much recollection beyond that.   Likewise, while there is a vague sense of the flow of the ceremony, couples can’t remember much about the particular parts—all of this creates anxiety. So I have prepared a little cheat sheet that describes the basic outline of the ceremony.  There are certain parts (the vows and ring vows, for example) that tend to be fixed, but rituals and readings can certainly be shifted about.  Just remember, working with a wedding officiant, like me, you will have many opportunities to customize and add to this ceremony to make a perfect ceremony for you!

Processional. The most common format is the bride walking down the aisle with her father.  Sometimes she is escorted by both her father and mother.  From time-to-time, the bride processes on her own (or possibly with another male or female relative).   Based on the bride’s preferences, the question is asked, “Who gives this woman in marriage,” to which the answer is, “Her mother and I do.” There are several ways that the groom may process.  Often the groom and his groomsmen will come to the altar area from a side entrance or side aisle.  Alternatively, the groom may wait at the front, while the groomsmen escort the bridesmaids down the aisle.  He may also enter with his parents, processing down the aisle. 

Welcome:  This is basically where I welcome everyone and begin to set the stage and mood for the ceremony.  This will be the place where you can thank particular guests—parents, siblings and what not. Some couples also choose to mention people who could not make the trip and/or people who have passed away.   (Couples may pause here and perform some ritual to commemorate deceased loved ones, such as a candle lighting.) 

Your Story.  This will be drawn from the survey that you are fill out.  Couples vary in terms of how much (or how little) of this they want to include in the ceremony.  I find that the mix of funny and light (the first date, for instance) with the more serious parts of the ceremony (your words of love and appreciation to each other) creates a great deal of intimacy among the guests.  The narrative is usually four or five paragraphs (that isn’t as long as it sounds!)

About Marriage:  This is the time that we start moving into the heart of the ceremony, the exchange of vows.  I normally include a few specific remarks about the intention of marriage (no worries, this isn’t long or “preachy”!)  A reading is very good here as well.  In the draft that I will send, I will include a popular reading, to maintain the flow of the ceremony script.  If you have a favorite reading, poet, topic, period, you can let me know.

Declaration of Intent:  There are three sets of vows during a standard, relatively formal ceremony.  The first little set is called the “Declaration of Intent.”  This is usually about four lines long where I am asking–is this what you really want to do . It is something like, “Do you, Bride, choose Groom to be your beloved Husband, etc.etc.”  You answer with a simple “I Do.” 

Reading/Ritual:  You can go straight from the declaration of intent into the longer vows. However, if you wish to have any ritual, reading, etc. this is a superb place to do so–so that you can continue the crescendo to the vows.  We can discuss ritual ideas that might be appealing to you and so on. 

Vows: This is it!  The vows can be ones that you write or others you have selected.  Usually when couples write their own vows, they speak them directly to each other.  Most couples I work with don’t write their own vows but use ones that are already written in a “call and response” format, where I say a line and you repeat it:  “I, Bride, take you, Groom, to be my wedded husband”  (repeat) etc. etc.  The other alternative is that I read the entire vow and then you say “I do” at the end.   

Ring Vows:  I usually include a transition to the ring vows, discussing their symbolism followed by the ring vows.  These are short, 4-5 lines that are usually done in the call and response style, “(Name), I give you this ring…..that it may always remind you….etc.”

Vow of Community Support:  This is something that I like to include but isn’t necessary.  This is where you ask the guests to pledge support for the new marriage.  I read a paragraph (You are the most important people to this couple, will you do all that you can. etc. etc.)  They respond with “WeDo.”

Remembrance of the Day:  I like to include a little paragraph about the significance of the day and encourage you to rededicate yourselves to these vows each year on your anniversary.

The Charge or Closing “Blessing.”  This is where we say a few words of well wishing and send you on your way.  It can have religious attachment or not.  Mine usually goes something like “May the sun of many days and years shine upon you, may the love you have for one another…..”

Declaration of Marriage:    This is the bit where I say, “by the authority vested in me….” and Declare husband and wife.  And then invite you to seal the promises with a kiss!

Presentation of the Couple:   If you wish I can introduce you as Mr. and Mrs. ….. if you are not having the same surname, I say something like “introduce you to the newly married family and then give your names” or you needn’t have any particular introduction at all.

Recessional:  The End!  Cheers! Reception!