It has been an exciting year! I offer a heartfelt congratulations to all of my brides and grooms. I have had the honor of marrying over 100 couples in 2010. Most of my weddings have been in New York City, but I have officiated ceremonies in the entire Tri-state area–from Connecticut to New Jersey to Westchester. And I have seen what feels like every inch of New York’s very “long” Long Island. As New York has become one of the most popular spots for Destination Weddings, I have been happy to serve brides and grooms from many American states (Ohio, California, Kentucky, Maryland, Minnesota, Texas, and Indiana, to name a few) as well as folks from England, Ireland, Northern Ireland, Australia, Germany, Denmark, Dubai, the Netherlands, and Scotland. I thank you all for sharing your special day with me and look forward to staying in touch.

The following slide show, prepared by my young colleague Noemie, includes photos of most of my couples. And, the couple at the beginning of this post is Rebekah and Matthew, a lovely bride and groom from Edmonton, Alberta. With the historic blizzard of the past week, they rearranged their simple flight to NYC, flying instead to Toronto and taking the “Maple Leaf” Amtrak down to the City. Their journey was over 30 hours in length. Meanwhile, their dedicated officiant (that would be me!), made her way from Budapest, Hungary to Prague, Czech Republic, to NYC’s Upper East Side. We had a lovely, sweet romantic ceremony on the Gapstow Bridge in Central Park. Many tourists stopped by to watch and savor the romance, on a sparkling winter’s day. So Congratulations, one and all. Peace and all good things in 2011!

As a Celebrant I strive to recognize the most important parts of the lives of brides and grooms into their personalized ceremonies. The narrative—an essay chronicling the relationship of the couple—is one of the hallmarks of a celebrant wedding, and it provides a wonderful opportunity to weave the threads of life into a wonderful, one-of-a-kind, compelling rendering of two people falling in love. When getting to know a couple, it is a delicious discovery of who they are that helps develop that perfect wedding.

I recently married a couple that offered some rich choices in writing. Maria and Paul came to me a few weeks ago, wanting to marry on St. Patrick’s day in Central Park, a favorite venue of last-minute unions. Paul, a dashing native of Belfast Northern Ireland, wanted to get married on this day, not only for its cultural significance, but because it was his beloved late grandfather’s birth date. The festivities of this important NYC holiday provided a unique backdrop for a celebration.

Maria, too, came with a fabulously interesting life story. A native Texan, she came to New York as a teenager, to train as a ballet dancer at The School of American Ballet, associated with the New York City Ballet. An international career in dance and a stint at the Dance Theatre of Harlem, were evident in her statuesque figure, grace, and elegance. Maria’s passion gave me an ideal chance to incorporate a favorite wedding passage by Anne Marrow Lindbergh. The reading compares the choreography of a happy marriage with the ease of dance:

“A good relationship has a pattern like a dance and is built on some of the same rules. The partners do not need to hold on tightly, because they move confidently in the same pattern, intricate, but gay and swift and free, like a country dance of the Mozart’s. To touch heavily would be to arrest the pattern and freeze the movement, to check the endlessly changing beauty of its unfolding.”

Congratulations to my splendid international couple! In the words of a recent pop tune, “I hope You’ll Dance……,” for the remainder of your days!

p.s. One of those quintessential NYC wedding moments took place when Paul, the groom, convinced a gifted “street musician” (a classical cellist) to re-locate from the Bethesda Fountain to the Bethesda Terrace, where we hosted the ceremony, and provide the wedding music (for a small donation, of course!). The celebration was enjoyed by all!

Ahis year, I am fortunate to be on faculty at the Celebrant Foundation & Institute, the wonderful organization which trains individuals, in America and elsewhere, to perform weddings and other celebrations. This week’s class module was about the vital role of storytelling in the lives of individuals and communities. As I prepared for class, I was struck by the fact that there is a noticeable disconnect between our natural tendency to tell personal stories and the inclusion of these narratives in typical wedding ceremonies.

I believe that most people have a great desire to have their voices “heard.” The goal, I imagine, is enhanced self-awareness and a greater connection with loved ones. These seemingly ethereal goals can be met in simple ways such as updates on Facebook, Twitter, or postings in the blogosphere. Sharing about wedding plans is no different, as many brides and grooms create websites and blogs to chronicle impending nuptials, facilitating virtual conversations with family and friends and heightening anticipation for the special day.

The wonderful writer Christina Baldwin adds that storytelling not only serves the individual but it functions as a connector to a broader community and shared history. Like that need to be heard, men and women hold a similar drive to know “where they come from.” The enthusiastic pursuit of genealogical projects and the popularity of newly-developed personal DNA tests, literally mapping our history, are but two tools that people use to link with original homelands and past generations.

My underlying question in this rambling essay is this…..In standard wedding ceremonies, where do we find this passion for storytelling? I would argue that, to a large degree, it is simply not there! What a shame that the couple’s story is not highlighted during this profound rite of passage.

Celebrants know that offering such a narrative is the heart and soul of a day’s events. Our unique essays are written around simple, but wonderful, questions like “How did you meet?”……. “Tell me about your first date”…… “How does your partner show that he/she loves you?”………. “When did you know this partnership was forever?”……. “What are your dreams for the future?” The couple’s journey is reflected with all of the gravity and levity that it deserves, while recognizing their personalities and sensibilities. The narrative also offers the occasion to honor family members and ethnic ties. The storytelling, in my experience, establishes an obvious intimacy between and among the couple and guests, whether the guest list is 20 or 200. So, as you think about your wedding, I invite you to ponder the unique gifts of a ceremony that tells your story. Celebrants know that it makes all the difference on your wedding day.

Photograph generously provided by John Mazlish.

Many couples are tying up plans for their 2010 weddings, before the 2009 holidays are over. Here are some tips and questions to help you find your perfect wedding officiant.

1. Celebrant’s Background. The qualifications one must meet to become an officiant vary from state-to-state. In many cases, those who meet a legal standard of being able to perform ceremonies don’t have specialized training in disciplines appropriate for creating a fabulous ceremony. Don’t be afraid to ask about the Celebrant’s education and training. And if you have concerns about his or her legal status to perform ceremonies, you may certainly ask to see a copy of your officiant’s credentials.

2. Consultation & Creative Process. What is the step-by-step process that the Celebrant uses in writing the ceremony? Will you see a full draft of the ceremony before your big day? If you are dissatisfied with the draft, will the candidate revise it?

3. Sample Work. It is not unreasonable to ask about seeing copies of ceremonies of that the Celebrant has prepared for other couples. You wouldn’t pick food for your reception without a tasting—you needn’t select someone to write your ceremony without looking at the product either.

4. References. While many Celebrants have “endorsements” on their websites and in brochures, if you would like to speak with couples that the candidate has worked with—don’t shy away from asking for a personal reference.

5. Individualized Attention. Some Celebrants are interested in quantity over quality. Will your ceremony be personalized to tell your story or will it be a “cookie cutter” ceremony recycled over and over again? Is the Celebrant willing to work with you in co-creating the ceremony?

6. Rehearsal. Will this person be available for a rehearsal the day of the wedding or even before? Is there an additional charge for that?

7. Back-up. Most of the time, there isn’t a problem with an officiant honoring a commitment on the day of a ceremony, but emergencies do come up from time-to-time. Does this person have appropriate back-up available at a moment’s notice?

8. Flexibility. Is the Celebrant willing to work with you in creating a ceremony, based on your time and availability? Is the candidate willing to meet you between the “interview” and the ceremony, if you wish? Will the Celebrant cooperate with your other vendors—wedding planners, reception managers, musicians, photographers?

9. Follow Up. What are the procedures the candidate follows in filing appropriate legal paper work, such as using a certified mail procedure or a delivery system with a tracking number? Will she/he forward copies of papers filed with various government offices? Will the Celebrant provide you with a copy of your ceremony after your big day?

10. Additional Fees. If travel is necessary for the Celebrant to reach your ceremony site, will she/he charge for transportation costs? Will this person require an overnight stay if the wedding is a considerable distance from home?

Most of all…… Do you feel a sense of personal connection when you speak to the Celebrant? Does she have passion about ceremony-making? Do you find that the Celebrant is excited about the prospect of working with you? Does the candidate appropriately “get” that it is an honor to participate in one of the most meaningful days in your life?

From time-to-time I log on to the message boards on weddingbee.com. For those of you who don’t know, it is a no-holds-barred discussion of all things-wedding. I like to keep my finger on the pulse of contemporary brides. Wedding Bee has created an elaborate message board system with threads on dozens of topics (photographers, dresses, florists, etc) and also has message boards for brides in a particular geographic area. These brides provide a treasure trove of information, even on the most arcane topics and delicate etiquette questions.

Of late I have found an interesting and compelling series of discussions about honoring deceased family members during wedding ceremonies. While weddings are joy-filled occasions, it is important for couples to remember who could not be there, as well as those guests in attendance. So the question is—what sorts of ceremonial touches can be added to honor those who have passed.

A number of interesting ideas have been put forward: some brides light a candle in memory of the loved one, perhaps coupled with a photograph of the individual. I have seen such rituals at the beginning of the ceremony and then referenced during the proceedings. One bride said that empty chairs were being left in the front row, representing loved ones lost. Each chair would hold a bunch of flowers. This made me think of a Scandinavian tradition where the bride has two bouquets of flowers—one for the wedding and one to be placed at the grave of the departed relative. Finally, many young women indicated that they were noting their loved ones in the program to be handed out to guests.

Perhaps my favorite activity that served this function took place at a young colleagues wedding. To honor the deceased parents of the groom, there was a butterfly release during the ceremony. According to some Native/First People’s folklore, when one whispers a wish to a silent butterfly, she carries that wish to Heaven. Guests were ask to take a moment to remember the parents.

So while weddings aren’t usually thought of as times to remember those who are no longer with us, there are fantastic and moving options to honor loved ones during creative wedding ceremonies.

Tt is a wonderful thing to live in New York, the home of so many immigrants. There is simply no other place in America where one can find such a variety of people representing virtually every continent and culture. So, a good number of the couples who I am fortunate to marry, come to the Big Apple after a significant personal voyage…literally.

Olga and Maxim had their own heroic journeys to their wedding day. Both born in the Russian Federation, they met here in Brooklyn some years ago. (I cannot help but digress as we have just passed the 20 year anniversary of the falling of the Berlin Wall. I am quite conscious of the fact that during the old days of the “Soviet Empire,” my couple would not have had the opportunity to come to the United States—a triumph of peace and diplomacy, indeed.) In many ways their courtship was typical with long walks and conversations, shared interest in music, and the connection to another homeland. They did, however, face challenges of intercontinental separation, jobs changes, and immigration policies, but one thing they knew is that they were meant to be together. A month or so ago, Olga approached me about performing a ceremony on the Brooklyn Bridge, a place of sentimental attachment to her. As a celebrant, I relish the opportunity to perform weddings in unusual venues. I am embarrassed to admit that I had never walked across the Brooklyn Bridge, so what better opportunity to make the trek than officiating a wedding, mid-point?

The wedding, on Friday the 13th, coincided with an unusually strong Nor’easter, with rain and very cold blasts of wind. Despite the frigid temperatures, our bride wore a classic, contemporary (and strapless!) dress. Both the “maid of honor,” her sister, and the “best man” were Russian. So, as we approached the vows, I passed the baton to the groom’s dear friend, who recited the vows to the couple, in their mother tongue.

The ceremony was private, just the five of us, and the magnificence of the bridge was not lost on us. As I said in their ceremony, “There are few vistas that are more intimately connected with all of the wonder and hope and grandeur that is New York. This bridge embodies the possibility of human ingenuity, artistic vision, cooperation, and dedication—all elements of successful lives and marriages. Moreover, the bridge is a palpable reminder of connections and transitions, between your lives, your original homeland, your families, and your future. This day and place is a threshold whereby you are passing from two individuals who are deeply in love to become a married couple and a new family.”

And so it was. When performing weddings in public venues, such as this, I always feel as though I am offering a blessing to the passers-by. Who, after all, doesn’t love a wedding? On a cold blustery day, to see a young woman, in full wedding regalia, her sister in a long, beautiful red dress, two dapper young men, and a very cold celebrant engaging in one of the most significant transitional moments in life…..it doesn’t get better than that!